tabulas.com

Damnit. Why does he have to associate things with other things that I wasn't even thinking of? I didn't even know that he was thinking of that till now. Thoughts are all jumbled up. Fudge. He said this: "Messages mo parating walang gana magtext. Since nung sinabi mong di na nagtetext madalas si _________. Haha. ü" I dunno. Just feel bad that he's still jealous. And one time, we had a REAL conversation. Said that it's better if we say things. If we let our thoughts out in the open. I thought he took it seriously since it was he who suggested that. So, I try my best. I tell him things. But then, to learn that he's been thinking about that? And to think that he left too. Without telling me that he was and where he was going. I know that I'm not his mom or someone that he has to tell things such as that. But, he just suddenly stopped? I mean, what's that about? What's the real issue here? If he has something in his mind, well, why doesn't he tell it to me then? Is it because I'd get mad? Well, better that I know things at once, rather than me knowing because of slips.

Or what? Is it because I'm unconsciously affected by a certain someone else? Maybe I am. I don't want to acknowledge things. Because of the fear of knowing them. If they turn out to be true. But I do hate thinking. Makes me do things that I regret. Why are my thoughts fucked up, then? WHY?

Here we go again. Mom always nags me. Naturally, a person's reaction would be irritation. I just woke up, saw a nice movie on tv, something that my sister was watching. I wanted to wait till it would be finished before I ate breakfast.

Nevermind. Doesn't matter. Haha. I do have an attitude problem don't I? Fuck. Mom's angry at me, Ardo's getting tired of me. And all cause of the choices that I make. It's true. I've screwed up.

Damn. Can't focus on work. I've been unorganized. And I've got a lunatic as my sister. 0.o

Last night, I missed G. Hugged Pluto. What made me remember him? Haha. His ym stat: "uh.. help.." So I messaged him. Asked "help?" He said he needed help in changing the theme in multiply. Asked if I was busy. Then there. I helped him. After that, he changed his stat to busy. Then he said that I should go on with what I'm doing. He also said thanks. Then after, he went offline. That was the time Ardo wasn't texting since he was at some place. Running errands daw. So okay. Wasn't in such a good mood last night. I just hate how all this is turning out. I hope that I was just stuck in my dream. I was a spy for something. Then I kept hiding in some places. Oh yea, cause the enemies were actually some monsters or freaks of some sort. Naturally, we'd have to get away from them. Last part of my dream, I woke up. Then, I eventually woke up in real life. Funny, isn't it? Gah. I'm just blabbing. Gonna do research now.

Misunderstood yet again. I left the house. Saw mom on the stairs. Didn't kiss her. When I came back, didn't do it either. Got a lot in my mind and I tend to forget those things. I haven't respected her, I admit. And I'm sorry. But I just can't open up, now can I? There's this "ilang" feeling. And I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry.

Can't be perfect. And I know people expect a lot from me. Friends expect me to always be there for them. And at least try my best to show that I do care. But, sometimes, I just can't show it. Time is of the essence here. Let's say it's about schwork. It may be easier than the works of others. But it's a lot more than you can imagine. Ask Balls. Ask Ardo. Ask whoever. I'm sorry if I suck in being a friend. I'm sorry if I suck at being a girlfriend. I'm sorry if I suck at being a daughter. I can't say anything else aside from "I'm sorry", huh? I admit. I know. I know that I'm always wrong, I know that I do the wrong things. Sorry.

To be honest, am having a hard time already. Nahihirapan na ko. Tangina. Dahil sa inyo, naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Dahil sa inyo, minamaliit ko ang sarili ko. Naiinis ako sa inyo. But well, what can I do, right? Ganun talaga eh. Ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko.