tabulas.com

I feel disturbed. I mean. Whenever I hear Eternity, it seems like there's this sort of..sadness. A wave of unexplainable sadness washes over me. I don't know why.

It is Eternity. Why does it then sound so sad? First part, I can't understand it. Then, in the latter part, hope. But it still feels so sad. Makes me remember the pain. Pain from before. Guilt. Mixed emotions.

Then, back again to softness. Explanation of hope. Then continuity. Then...nothing. The end.

Listening to it again. I feel pity for my friend. It's his favorite. I know he's confused, and hurt. But he doesn't show it. And I do think that he's playing around with other girls, yes. But still. Makes me wanna help him. Cause he suffered so much with the loss of his ex. Even though he was the one who broke up with her. He feels stupid. Sigh.. What can I tell him? I don't know what advice to give him. Yes, I am concerned about this friend. I see myself in him. Well, most of the time. Although, not the part where he madly misses his ex. I don't miss Gelo that much.

Thing is.. My boyfriend doesn't trust him. I mean, he doesn't like the guy. Cause I stupidly said that I was developing a crush on him. But now? I realize that I see that guy as a friend. And that I really wanna help him. I want his ex to realize how sorry my friend is. And how I hope she'd forgive my friend. I don't want him to be sad, you know. He says he's free. From girls. And hassle magkagirlfriend. But still, I know what he's feeling.

I want him to be happy.

Although... Weird part of me wants him to play piano. Dedicated to moi. ) Nah.. I just like guys who know how to play the piano. Laking gulat ko when I found out that he plays. Makes a person look smart. And smart guys are hot. Well.. Not the nerdy types, take note.

It's so nice to be happy. Shalalala.

Yes, it is nice. I feel safe and secure with Ardo. Very happy indeed. Contented.   Good. He's sooooo... sweet. And like. You know. With his friends. Feeling of belonging. Wala lang. Cause yesterday was Enzo's birthday. And I was invited. Felt comfortable when I was there. With everyone. With his friends.

So first, when we arrived there, there were only three guests: Ryan Camus, and two other people from Ateneo. So, I didn't feel that shy. Mia was also there to entertain me. Yay, thanks Mia. Then, after a while, that was when the Northfield people arrived. Then, we ate. The food was sooo good. I think the elder sister cooked the food. There was carbonara with really yummy bacon, fried chicken, barbeque, mashed potato and others. (Haha, yes, I do remember the food. Yum yum.) Anyway, uh. I was included on the table where Ardo's barkada sat. Was the only girl too. Well, aside from Mia, of course. Then, chatted a bit with Juancho since he knows Pat.

Then.. We drank. At first, Ardo didn't want me to drink. But with the help of Mia, he agreed that I'd drink. I drank San Mig Light. Then Enzo brought out three bottles of GSM Blue--Ryan's gift to Enzo. So Enzo made a mix of GSM blue and orange juice. There, drank that too. Next, Enzo brought out glasses of wine--another gift of Ryan's. Drank that too. Then ate again and drank the juice. Listening to their conversation too. Till 10:30. Then Mikko's driver came and I had to go. My curfew. Haha.

So there. Mainly, I had fun. Enzo was sooo red, by the way. Actually, all of them were. Mia and I were the only ones who retained our natural color. Haha.

It just feels good to have that sense of belonging. Comfortable with the friends of your boyfriend. And family too. Close with them. Sigh. This is the life.

Here I am again. Not in the mood.

 Ardo making jokes and stuff. Ish alright. But.. Just not in the mood.

 Was my old self a while ago. Felt my old self a while ago. When I drank Red Horse. Yea. Was pushing Ardo away. Most probably the effect of the alcohol, right? Yea. Have to convince myself that that is the reason. Yea. Haha. So.. What now? I'll end it here. Will write again when something's bothering me. Or if something or someone's making me happy. Yea.

Yes. Oh yes. )

 I'm sabaw. Anyway. Cried a while ago. Cause of the usual. Thinking about the old times. About G and everything. But then, man! I have to move on, you know? First thing, it's more than a year now. And I was the one who broke up with him. Second, I have my own. And we're celebrating it next week. Can't wait! Ayan. Kinikilig ako. Haha. Cute.

 There. Was hurt. Thinking of G and the new girl. I'm such a stalker. But well.. When I looked at G's profile, I saw the comments of the girl. To G. And. She seemed sweet. Really sweet. And really "totoo", you know? I just felt that the girl was really serious with G. And that made me happy. So.. I didn't feel hurt when I tried checking the profile of the girl. It's a restricted profile, by the way. Anyway, when I saw the pic, I didn't feel "pain". I mean, fine yea, I did. But not too much. Not like the usual. I'm happy for them, actually. This will be like the way I felt with M. Hurt at first. Then.. There. I'd get used to the feeling. Then I'd be happy. At least with G, we're still friends. But with M? Pf. Anyway, yea. Am used to it so it doesn't really bother me that much anymore. And to think that 3 years have passed already. Haha. Dapat lang I'd get used to it, right? So there..

 About them again.. G's super sweet with the girl. Comparin. Haha. He wasn't that much with me. Like.. He just goes to my house, and that's it. With her, they spend time going to the mall and stuff. Gateway. Haha. Well, go on and have fun. Yea..

As for me? I'm having fun too. When there's no work. Haha. Yea. There. And.. Mikko's super sweet with me. Yea, can't leave him.

Why am I not hurt anymore? Being contented with what I have. Chatting with friends.. Ice. Mei. Nixie. Maann. There. And survey. Badette, Ice, Mei. Haha. Happy. Yay! 

G's online. And he's not even noticing me. Guess that's how it ends. Lost another person. I can't talk to him, or text, or whatever. Cause obviously, there's a new girl. The person shall be his priority.

 Anyway. It will seem bad if I do. I have my own. But we're friends, right? Pft. What a cliche.

Ayun. Signed out. Sigh. ..